It just doesnt end, i feel like i just dont feel like i can do this anymore....
9 years of no rest, no happiness, no friends, no love, and no sanity!
It just wont end. They think its only mental, but once u get crazy enough and far enough down the line, its enough to damn near kill you. If i dont die from a lack of sleep and no rest, it'll be suicide.
Ive been thinking about just slicing my wrist and watching my lifes blood flow out till i die.
I think about killing my self most days this month its so fucking horrible. I feel like god is punishing me for something, who knows maybe he just doesnt like me.
I stayed up all night tonight again..
Just couldnt sleep. Too much incoherent screaming. I also have touch hallucinations, which means i feel things that arent there.
That it self is a special kind of hell. Its always touching me down there, ya know.. down there. And it loves to fuck with my face, like its pulling upward on my noses, and also weird facial ticks, i get those alot.
Also i had a hallucination of my cat being murdered by a black trans named gretchen. I creid alittle.
I tried to fight back but of course its a hallucination so i guess i cant.
Gretchen is also a black belt, but i dont give a shit about that either.
Hes a fuckin asshole to me all the time, he tortures me alot and beats me.
Two days ago, some peace of shit in one of my hallucinations broke my cats jaw. I saw hs broken and dislocated. That was awful too.
I feel like im just making up what shrink i dont get to talk to by talking here on my blog. I really cant afford a good doctor....
Im feeling very tired i think ill try to get some sleep.
Somehow.........
No comments:
Post a Comment